Evolving Spirituality
It is often hopelessness that gives birth to hope. Without the despair that comes with endings, there would be no room for the delight that comes with beginnings. It was really just an ordinary day that turned out to be extraordinary. Sitting under a tree with deep feelings of hopelessness, I experienced something miraculous. It was a cold winter day, my tired body rested against the tree, my exhausted self sat quietly. I was unaware of the fact that soon I would stand up and walk away from that spot on the earth as a changed person.
It is interesting to reflect, I am not certain what it is that happened under that tree. Intuitively, I believe it was the first time that my thoughts stopped long enough for me to experience reality. It was like looking through a foggy glass that had suddenly been cleaned, giving me a clear view of what was. I must contribute the stillness to the exhaustion I felt after years of trying to repair my life, only to be back at square one. There is something humbling about a body of water. I looked out to the horizon, felt the wind on my face, watched a few birds fly by, and experienced life-changing presence. It was an awakening that set me on a path of healing. The young girl that I was had no idea the beauty that lie ahead. The gift was a willingness to step out into the unknown.
I love to explore and contemplate topics of meditation, mindfulness, and living a life of presence. Thinking back to the girl resting under the tree, I am struck with the knowing that those words would have been a foreign language to her. As I reflect I am certain that my experience that day was one of presence, but I did not have the language to talk about it and I had no idea how to take the actions necessary to live what would be called a life of mindfulness.
The language I did have was language of the heart. I had been struck so deeply by feelings of gratitude and truth that the next step was clear. For me the next step was to stand up, wipe my tears, and go to class. My insides told me that a life of sobriety was the only hope for me. As I look back I see a life lived based on this intuitive voice. My life tells a story of over and over again, doing the next right thing, and ending up just exactly where I need to be.
What is spirituality anyways? And what exactly am I referring to when I speak of intuitive voice? This is a question that I ask myself regularly and my answer seems ever-evolving. In this moment I view spirituality as our ability to be connected to life. With each breath we enter into a new moment. In each moment we have the opportunity to live fully engaged, experiencing all five senses, and taking in the fullness of what is. When we are spiritually connected we are moment connected. When we are present we have the ability to see what is around us, feel what is going on inside of us, and intuitively differentiate right from wrong. Intuition is that voice within that can be heard most clearly when we let go of past and future based thought and listen to what is happing right now.
Above all else I have learned that it is a daily practice. Regularly we drift away, lost in thought, lost in fear, lost in anxiety, lost in depression, but always – we have the option of coming back. Just once today practice noticing what is going on right now. If you have a memory of a life changing experience that was the direct result of being fully present, take a moment to feel grateful for that. Stop and listen to the sounds you hear, feel what you feel in your physical body, let go of thoughts about the people you love and practice experiencing them in the fullness of who they are. The things that matter are actually quite simple and they are happening right now in your moment-to-moment experience.